Really. I finally got over myself. I was so exhausted of going through the story of my life feeling sorry for myself.
In fact, I don’t even think I felt sorry for myself or was exhausted at all! On the contrary, I felt pretty special thinking my problems were so serious that they were bigger than yours, and yours and yours too!
I needed to feel so special that even my past and any minor issues related to it had become so precious to me I could not possibly let them go. It was my STORY after all! What would be left of me with those gone?!?
Not much I feared then! In fact, much more than I originally was- I would learn.
How significant did I feel in light of all my problems!! Soooo much.
But wait a sec!! What problems did I actually think I had...what was the amazingly elaborated story I had so well written and rewritten and expanded several times through the years?!
Oh, yes ! That I did not get praised for my achievements at school! Yes! Classic.
Convenient and handy one.
That really had got pretty huge in my “I have serious problems“ phase.
What else?! Of course! I was raised Catholic! Well, that was surely an enourmous problem to have. Truly! It that was quite the problem!
What an explosive recipe that was!! With all its generously mixed up and f*** up ingredients made of:
- 200kgs of guilt;
- 300kgs of confessing sins to a stranger business;
- 300000 Kgs if no sex before marriage;
- 4000kgs of only God can forgive me “stuff”;
Wow! How f*** up could and should anyone with a thinking brain be after that!?! Lots! And rightly so. Another convenient story there for me.
(*do not follow quantities above! Make up your own extremely free version of it. The result is the same fu**** up nothingness anyhow!)
How about the story of “the guy I spent 4 years with does not appreciate me in the way I need to be”?!
“I am 30 and I do need to break up with him now?! Oh, but I still love him....or maybe never have...but what if nobody wants me or loves me or likes me?!” Wow! What a waste of tears those were! Truly!
Now....would I change it all if I could go back in time?
No! I’d for sure do it all over again because without those stories I would not have plunged to the depth of pain and therefore found myself. Yet, there one thing I would do differently!!
I’d tell one thing to my 20 and 30 years old self: “get over it quick! It’s not that great of a story the one you are telling yourself“.
And now, on to what matters most: my kids.
Will I tell my kids “to get over themselves” once confronted with their own stories?
Of course not!
Sadly, this recipe only works when you tell yourself to get over yourself!
So, get going and enjoy getting over yourself. Your stories may feel special and precious but they aren’t which is not saying that YOU aren’t. On the contrary! Because you ARE unique as you are, you don’t need any story!
Makes sense!
Those very stories are what is stopping you from getting where you want to get.
‘Let the noise of the ego forever subside to the music of your soul’
Wow. Just made this up and I quite like it.
Ok, better get over myself again!
Mucho amor amigos!
X
Lucia
